TOM'S ROM COM

EXT - A SUNNY PARK

NARRATOR/ANDY: We had only been dating for about a week when I knew...

Andy and Cassie are walking through a park, Cassie is munching on a bag of popcorn. Each time filling her little hands with more than they can hold. Her beautiful blonde hair sparkles in the sun, Andy steals every look at her that he can. He likes looking at her, she stands about a half foot shorter than him and every time she looks up at him with her big brown eyes he feels himself slipping. He's really falling for this girl.

NARRATOR/ANDY: I feel like that's the best place to start, there's no interesting story about how we met. We found each other online and hit it off. To this day I can't believe she actually turned out to be real. I went into that first date positive that I was getting catfished by some dickhead, I almost called it off actually. The only reason I decided to take a chance and see it through was because "OH MY GOD! Her pictures". 

The couple walks along a pretty pathway on this sunny day, a flock of birds fills the skies around them.

ANDY

If any of these birds tries to poop on you I'll be ready. I'll push you out of the way.

CASSIE

(laughs)

DON'T. You'll spill my popcorn.

They're not going to poo on us.

ANDY

(big smile on his face)

I've seen it happen.

CASSIE

Oh my god. Really?

ANDY

I was with my friend, he just bought a sub and we were walking back to his car. From behind me I just hear "FUUUUUUUUUCK!", I turned around and he was covered in bird shit. It went all over his neck, his shirt, his arm, his sandwich...

Cassie laughs, then her eyebrows wrinkles a little. There's confusion on her face, this girl's thought of something.

CASSIE

Why do they call them subs?

ANDY

It's short for submarine sandwich.

CASSIE

I know that. Why are they called that though?

Andy thinks about it for what seems like way too long.

ANDY

That's one of the best questions I've ever been asked. I honestly don't know. I'd have to look it up.

CASSIE

I know what it's going to say, its going to say its because of it's shape. Like it looks like a sub, but...I mean it doesn't.

ANDY

No. It just looks like a long sandwich.

Cassie again laughs, it's actually adorable. This time she spills out a good bit of her popcorn and when she does the birds descend on it. The pair quickly find themselves surrounded by a flock of frantic, flapping, noisy birds all scrambling to get a nibble of the fallen kernels. Andy goes to make a move.

ANDY

Here, take my hand...I am going to...

CASSIE

It's okay.

Cassie elegantly reaches into her bag of popcorn and flings a handful into the grass a few feet behind them, all the birds take after it and leave the pair alone. They continue their walk however Andy seems almost speechless, he's been left in amazement. 

NARRATOR/ANDY: What she just did right there was the single smartest thing I've ever seen anyone do. It was such a perfect display of practical intelligence; she left me in awe. Seriously. Do you know what my plan was? I was going to sort of shuffle my feet along the ground so I wouldn't step on any of the birds but I would be able to kick them out of the way until we were clear. That was what my idiot man-brain came up with, this girl's a keeper.

That was the exact moment I realized I loved my wife. 

INT - NIGHT - A SMALL MESSY APARTMENT 

"LIFE BEFORE CASSIE"

 
Andy is sitting alone on the couch of a sparsely decorated apartment, one leg flung over the back of the couch, one stretched out over top of the coffee table. He's laying back like a gross shlub and watching TMZ. Outside his window you can hear the sounds of laughter and fun, more sociable people having a night out with friends. Andy stares unmoving at the screen.

NARRATOR/ANDY: How gross is it that this is how I spent most Saturday nights? How gross is it that this is how I WANTED to spend my Saturday nights?

Andy's phone buzzes, someone's calling him. He lets it ring for a while before finally giving in and answering it. The sounds of music and muffled shouting burst through the earpiece.

ANDY

Yo. ANDY

What?

ANDY

What?

ANDY

Why where are you?

ANDY

What club?

Andy's eyebrows furl.

ANDY

Uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I don't think

I can make it. I am busy right now.

ANDY

No I can't, I am just heading out to meet mt friend. 

ANDY

NO!

ANDY

Well I'll tell you what, I have to run and meet my friend right now but I'll ask him if he wants to go. It depends on what he says. I gotta go.

ANDY

I gotta GO! I am getting onto the elevator, I gotta go.

Andy hangs up the phone and lays back down on the couch. 

NARRATOR/ANDY: The thing about falling into a rut is that you don't "fall" into them, you go willingly. You settle into a rut and make yourself comfortable, the sick part is that you don't mind it. You can sense life zipping past you but you can't seem to care until you finally see something you want bad enough to chase after it.
Andy's phone buzzes again, he glances at his phone. His eye's perk up slightly.
"New Tinder match"
Andy opens the app and see's Cassie. She's cute. Andy quickly types out a hello message, something simple. He lays back down and forgets about it, not expecting a response.
His phone buzzes again.
"Cassie sent you a new message"
NARRATOR/ANDY: Enter Cassie. My Roadrunner.

Andy's sits up on the couch and picks up his phone. The light of the screen softly illuminates his face against the dark of the room. Andy takes a closer look at Cassie's profile, he glances through her profile and smiles. He flips through her pictures and smiles even harder. He looks at her message.

CASSIE

(text)

Hey. I am Cassie how are you?

NARRATOR/ANDY: This chick has to be fake, right? Beautiful women aren't sitting around on a Saturday night messaging strangers are they? They're supposed to be out, having strangers buy them drinks and throw themselves at them all night. I am being catfished, I know it. I shouldn't even bother responding...on the other hand those pictures...

ANDY

(text)

I am good, I am just chilling with friends. What about you?

CASSIE

(text)

I am just watching a movie right now with my friend. I was supposed to go to a club but we decided not to. Thank god!

ANDY

(text)

Why?

CASSIE

(text)

I hate clubs :)

NARRATOR/ANDY: Marry me. 

ANDY

(text)

Marry me.

CASSIE

(text)

Haha. K. 

ANDY

(text)

What are you watching?

CASSIE

(text)

Archer. Have you seen it?

NARRATOR/ANDY: Oh my god, I love her already. If this girl ends up being some dude then I am going to kill him.

ANDY

(text)

Love it!

Cassie?

CASSIE

(text)

What?

ANDY

CASSSSIE?

CASSIE

(text)

:) What???

ANDY

(text)

CASSSSSSSSSSSSSIEEEEEEEEE???

CASSIE

(text)

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

ANDY

(text)

Danger zoneeeee.

CASSIE

(text)

HAHAHA OMG. LOL. YES!

NARRATOR/ANDY: Yeahhhhh, you kind of had to watch Archer to get that one but trust me, it was funny. AND SHE GOT IT! I made a dorky, obscure reference to an episode she may or may not have seen and she actually got it. She LOL'd. 

CASSIE

(text)

Haha. I don't want to keep you from your friends so I'll let you go. I just wanted to say hi.

Talk later? 

ANDY

(text)

Definitely

The phone fades back to black and the room falls dark again, Andy is alone and it's quiet. The soft light of the room just illuminates enough of Andy's face to see that the smile on his face still hasn't faded as he falls back to the couch.

CONT'D...